Dear Charlton Athletic
So you don't sell Charlton Babygros anymore. Are you under the impression we no longer reproduce now we're in the Third Division? Surely, along with strong cider, that's all we have left.
Yours, Miffed of South London
---Dear Muffed of South Lindon
We currently stock newborn football kits.
---Dear Charlton Athletic
How very perspicacious! So I can entomb my precious baby in something both useless and polyester for £27.99?
Do you sell strong cider?
---Dear MUffed
Just in stock! My First Soft Football with its very own mascot inside.
---Dear Charlton Athletic
You've had the cider, haven't you?
How about some Charlton nappies? Branching out into incontinence pads for the fan who can’t wait till half time?
You can have that.
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I have received some stick from concerned friends who point out that by saddling Kit with support of Charlton, I am resigning him to a life of disappointment.
But what choice do I have? The form for registering birth and football team support has to be completed within 6 weeks of his arrival or he automatically becomes known as 'Dave' and is randomly assigned one of the Sky 4: Manchester United, Chelsea, The Woolwich Club or Liverpool.
Scally was obviously angling to recruit another Liverpool fan. "He's from South London, he can't support Liverpool." I told him. "If I wanted him to be a glory-hunting muppet, I'd've bought him a Man United top," which made him wince and squirm.
"Alright, but not Charlton, surely," he pleaded, from his role as the Oddfather.
So who? Chelsea are the current champions but the only good thing about them is that you don't need to explain why you wouldn't want your child supporting them.
And due to family history, support of The Woolwich Club is impossible. They left South London, whereas I'm very fond of it.
The registrar informed me that during the first six weeks of Kit's life The Woolwich Club lost 4 times, as did Chelsea. West Ham and Fulham lost 3 times, and Spurs once. As Charlton hadn't lost at all during that period, clearly Kit is a talisman, or a talisbaby.
And so, in the name of glory hunting, Kit Golightly became an Addick.
Sorry mate.
